094 | Extending Grace + Self-Compassion
“Extending grace and self-compassion” is one of our six core values at Cultivating Sanctuary (SM). These practices are essential for heal thing and growth. They open us to new possibilities and give us space to examine our narrative around past events and interactions with fresh eyes.
Before we can do it, we need to understand what we mean by “grace” and “self-compassion.”
Grace—in both theological and practical terms—is unearned love freely given. Grace often finds expression as forgiving love and leads to restoration and renewal in relationships—with ourselves, with others, and with God.
For our understanding of self-compassion, I turn to the words of Dr. Kristin Neff who writes:
“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings—after all, whoever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
How do we do this?
It starts with noticing. Notice feelings of hurt, suffering, discontent or disregulation. Pay attention to what you are feeling in your body, in your spirit. Pay attention to your inner dialogue.
Then try one of these practices:
Get still and breathe deeply. Center yourself in the moment. Feel your heart rate slow.
Remember the truth that you are beloved—deeply loved—and that you are enough, as you are. You might look at yourself in the mirror and speak those words out loud. You might turn to music that centers you. When I need to remember who I am in the love of Jesus, I’ll play the song “Remind Me Who I Am” by Jason Gray really loud and sing along.
Move your body—walk, run, dance, stretch. Do whatever will change your physical state and get more oxygen moving through your body.
Sleep on it. Take a nap. Go to bed. Give your body some rest so you can come at the situation fresh.
Finally, ask any of the following questions:
How can I extend grace and/or self-compassion in this situation?
What message of kindness and understanding do I most need to hear?
For what do I need to extend or receive forgiveness?
How can I move forward in love?
What practices help you extend grace and self-compassion?
